The Dark Night of the Soul

You know it

That night when you cannot sleep
When you lay with all your effort
willing your mind to stop
Asking your body why
It burns with such intensity
Your eyes are closed
The darkness a comfort in the hopes that you
will slip into that semi conscious state
But your body is awake
You allowed it to feel once more
And with that feeling comes sensations that we
fight internally

You think back of times when this dark night
and sleeplessness was revered
When you would chase the high
Dance ferociously
Shake it out
Move from one drug and one place
to another, chasing or running
Actively participating in not seeing or dealing
with what created the unwillingness to rest
in your body in the first place
After hours upon hours of adults escaping
their childhoods lost, we would end up
outside, dawn the great mother
showing the great colours and
calm around us
Sunrise was magick
and delivered great truths to our minds more easily
than what we resisted in listening
in our bodies

For those first dark nights of the souls
were in those childhoods
When our bodies received
So trustingly and openly what harm
was given to us
For our trauma came from those in
those we depended upon
The first shame and guilt our bodies felt
were not our own
It was felt in those times of trauma
Those moments of power deferential
Where innocence was lost and we were taught
that our bodies were to be oppressed

For years I slept with the light on
With my arms and legs extended to feel
the borders of my bed
For years I slept in fear of authority
stepping their way into my dreams
For years I coped with the dark nights
by glamorizing the dawn-
The sunrise would teach me, it would
make it all better.
I wouldn’t have to see in the nightly embrace what my
body was not ready to face

Our bodies have carried so much pain
Wounds layered upon wounds
We then go further back to the ancestors
that reside in us
You then connect to the present body
that contains all those experiences of
you and yours
Either way you will face at one time
those feelings
That hurt
That trauma experienced

It is the gateway to heal but can be
an ordeal
We can’t do it alone

This is my cry to stop the stigma
To see the locks that come around
your throat and the compression in
your diaphragm
In sharing your stories
Not because the pain is too much
But because the hurt of having our
traumas shared be swept under the
rug again and again IS
To finally feel safe enough to share all
of what has made this body what it is
To be acknowledged then quietened
The collective society must speak of
To stop triggering the trauma
To let go of the reigns limiting our
bodies to heal
So we can end the vicious cycles and
dark nights forevermore

So I can sleep
So my body can restore


Allow the words shared if you got this far to move through you. What feelings arise? Breathe into them and locate them within your body, it may be a general tightness in an area, or pins and needles, or more. Breathe into it and say “I welcome you here, I love you”. Feel it, allow it to release. Allow it to move through you. Sound it out of your mouth. Release it to the earth once more. 

If you need any assistance in moving through the trauma held within your body, I am here. My Healing Guidance sessions are this.